still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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