Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
