I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
