theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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