ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
