Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
