this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
