I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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