If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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