You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
