I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
