uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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