You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
bring money and cleavage
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
