so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
