Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
