Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
