Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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