the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
