I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
