Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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