chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wish i was in the wii world.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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