dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
