On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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