I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
