We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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