it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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