Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
