apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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