Define "chronic" masturbator.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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