just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
