There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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