We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
