I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I am available for nakedness
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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