u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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