halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
