but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
