Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
