I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
