Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
