Ambien. No doubt about it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Randomize
