Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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