Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
