theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
