I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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