He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
