so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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