That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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