i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
