She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
