foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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