Umm I'm too high to move.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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