Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
