and my herpes radar will keep us safe
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
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I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
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So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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