I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
