She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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