A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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