I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
