Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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