I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
