she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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