I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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