Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
