My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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