The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You ruined the universe
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
