They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
