your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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