I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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