I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
