my mouth tastes like poor choices
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
