2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
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Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
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Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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