i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
