I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
