Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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