Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
