So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
