they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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