My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
